Vagina? What's a vagina?

This is the best thing anyone has ever done with the He-Man cartoons.

Yet another article claiming that California is doomed. But don't ask the governor, he's too busy insulting people.

There are many, many wikis and information sites dealing with deep-nerd subjects. But you will be hard-put to find one as obsessed with detail as the Internet Movie Firearms Database. For example, the entry for Black Lagoon.

Michael Laws, the mayor of Wanganui, New Zealand and a radio personality, is a "colorful character". Meaning, he's a bigot, and a misanthrope, and a bully, and a demon, and an egomaniac, and a twit. Otherwise he's a good all-round bloke.

Why haven't we seen any of this in American news media?

And why does bullshit like this happen all the time, but we rarely hear about it?

How would you like to be gunned down by a cop, because he "seemed a bit frustrated"?

There's something vaguely appealing about the idea of electrocuting drunken Irishmen, whilst they urinate on a storefront. But I can't quite put my finger on it.

Asians are not any less prone to craziness than anyone else. For example, we have the Koreans thinking that the Chinese eat baby soup.

Have another classic WorldNetDaily story--about skin cream made from "aborted babies". Mmmm, baby.

Why do older people still think that 60 Minutes is a reliable, trustworthy investigative program? They fuck up just as much as any other TV news production.

Just a few days ago, the world's largest ocean liner was launched. The press release says things like "bigger than 7 Titanics" and "taller than a 20-story building". (It's basically a hotel and shopping mall mounted on an oil-tanker hull. And it might bankrupt Royal Caribbean yet--it was started before the financial meltdown, and they had to borrow some of the cash from Finland.)

"You have the right to legal representation"? Not in this jail.

Need a weird b&w photograph? Try this blog.

Yes. Jeremy Clarkson is, indeed, a massive twat.

I have no problem finding bloggers who say the same thing. People even say it on Clarkson's fan site. Plus, there are two different Facebooks dedicated to this proposition. Therefore, I must conclude that he is clearly a twat.

""I would characterize it as hazing," he said, claiming that Thompson was told by the others, "If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you'll have greater control over it.""

Stockton, Utah, is obviously a shithole. Thus. (And FYI, Stockton is next to the Deseret Chemical Depot, one of the world's largest stockpiles of nerve gas. Soon to be out of business, thus making towns like Stockton a bit ghosty.)

Blog Hell: Make Total Destroy looks like scads of fun.

I'm sorry to report that the Emery Espresso Bar in Bradford, PA, has closed their doors. And posted this on their website. (I wonder why.)


There seems to be a better-than-50% probability that the police department of Worcester, Massachusetts, is run by a bunch of slags.

Two top-grade Insane Artist Corner items this week.

First, oglaf.com, an excellently nasty webcomic by Aussie cartoonist Trudy Cooper.

And, the SMart Show, a cooperative show of artists doing work somehow involving Kevin Smith. Why Kevin Smith? I have no fucking idea. Perhaps they're all huge Clerks fans. Or something.

"So what does it take to be a successful CEO of an investment bank? In "The Murder of Lehman Brothers," the pseudonymous Joseph Tibman, a Lehman veteran, offers an instructive look at the young Dick Fuld, an aggressive trader who went on to helm the company, and ultimately lead it to its demise." That's why things suck on this lump--it's run by hostile children.

Scientology's hold on people is a true mystery. Read about why Paul Haggis quit the "church" for an instructive example.

Endless examples of the backward, dominant-male-neurotic nature of Muslim societies appear in the news media. Two new ones here and here. And yet, the number of Muslims in the world continues to increase faster than other religions.

Whoever did this is a genius. I wish I could find the creator, in order to administer the First Prize: a stun gun session. Behold the Mystery Of Life.

Last night was a beautiful warm Friday evening. What did I do last night?

Last night, we buried Mommy the cat in the backyard.

She was just a little stray tabby that moved into the garage in 2004, and had a litter of kittens. For five years she lived here, quietly and peacefully. Earlier, Kathleen let Mommy out into the yard, and for reasons that defy understanding, she jumped the fence into the yard next door. There are two loud and mean dogs there, and all 3 cats know better -- we thought. Anyway, Mommy was promptly mauled to death by one of the dogs. We found the body only after realizing she hadn't come back in the evening, which she always did.
 
That is the only photo I have of her.

Mommy was a very cute and cuddly cat -- easygoing, lazy as hell, chubby, and a pleasure to share our home with. Could be a bit bitchy at times, but you forgave her quickly. Not neurotic or destructive at all.

I hate it when such tragic things happen, for no damned reason. And you wonder why I'm so cynical about general conditions on this mudball.

Yeah, Milhouse, hurry up!

THIScomic is my kinda comic. But it hurts my head.

Oh, yeah, great idea.

Twitter software engineer Alex Paine had some choice comments about San Francisco.....and set off a firestorm. (Too bad he's right.)


Blog Hell: this insane woman claimed that TSA agents snatched her son away at the Atlanta airport. Sadly, the TSA had a different take on it--complete with surveillance video.
(Could be worse. She could be running a blog dedicated to the stupid Twilight movies, and her hamster. Or she could be the twit responsible for Slap Shed Studio.)

Now, here's a worthwhile idea for a blog: I Found Your Camera.

"The agency said the Chicago-based airline did not follow its own maintenance procedures in December 2007 when towels instead of protective caps were used to cover openings in the "oil sump" area of the engine. The plane had to return to Denver after shutting down an engine because of low oil-pressure indications, the FAA said. "I think the FAA was a little bit more concerned about something like that," Waldock said."

Do you have an account on Stickam? You might want to rethink using it. (Unless you're really into icky things, that is.)

Insane Artist Corner: Brendan Lott finds weird and disturbing photos online in random places, and sends them to one of those Chinese companies that converts any photo into an oil painting (such as this outfit). The result: a bunch of really demented paintings. That Lott himself did not actually paint. Outsource everything, baby!



It's actually a nice, happy day, isn't it? Please remember to ask, for example, the Fritts family. Or Bessie Mae Berger.

And if you think your Modern Technological Lifestyle isn't causing much harm really, Chris Jordan has some photos for you to look at.

Perhaps I should have a new irregular feature about demented Japanese culture. Let's call it, say, All Aboard The Crazy Train To Shinjuku or somesuch. In this case, it has to do with obscure idol singer Erika Yazawa, and her sudden rocket to fame....as the star of a new TV show called The Ancient Dogoo Girl. More here. Prepare to see stupid Japanophile men talk about Erika's magical tits.......for the next 40 years.

And now: an awesome and unbelieveable hunk of burning stupidity from my neck of the woods.
It involves a Ukiah history teacher--who was accused of racism.
For using the word "niggardly".

His name, Dennis Boaz, rang a bell with me.....turns out he was Gary Gilmore's lawyer and agent. The very lawyer/agent that Gilmore fired, because Gilmore wanted to die, and Boaz didn't agree to it....poor Dennis, reduced to teaching history in Ukiah and arguing with the idiots who run his school district. Tsk.

Finally, a few choice words from Ted Turner: "You know, if you economize and don’t buy new airplanes or long-range jets, or that sort of thing, you can get by on a billion or two." On the one hand, Ted's comments about Afghanistan are dead-on. On the other hand, Ted's still a gigantic asshole.


I bet you work at this place, don't you?:

ohgodohgodohgod THE GRAPES ARE ROTTING AND KARL IS A FUCKTARD

The world in mired in recession, America is mired in a pointless war in Afghanistan, the country is tearing itself apart. And what do the fools in Snobby Wine Country worry about? "Ohgodohgodohgod, bunch rot!" 
(And I'll have you know that it was the top headline on the front page of the Press-Democrat today.)


DO NOT TRUST YOUR DOCTOR. Always get a second opinion, and a third if need be. Because the entire medical "industry" has been corrupt and arrogant for decades. You want a really juicy example? Consider the terrible story of the Therac-25 machine. They think that it killed three people---that they know of. (A product of a company wholly owned by the Canadian government, thank you very much.)

"Oh, that was 20 years ago, it doesn't happen anymore!" Bullshit.

X-rays are lots of fun! "For most effective use of Rapiscan technology, subjects are likely to be required to keep their legs slightly apart and raise their arms in a near-salute – a pose that devotees of a certain form of NSFW art may well recognise as potentially pornographic."

Blog Hell: an excellent one for all your good little Republican friends and relatives: Politifail. Plus, infamous defense attorney Mary Prevost uses her blog to stir up trouble.

Tell me again what a Golden Happy Land the Silicon Valley is....."Disgraced prosecutor Ben Field left the Santa Clara County District Attorney's Office three months ago — but his legacy lives on. On Friday, the county announced it will pay $750,000 to settle a lawsuit stemming from Field's questionable tactics in a criminal case."

James Ray is a hero of New Age self-help! That is, unless he kills you in a sweat lodge.....

First, Microsoft bought out Danger, creators of the popular Sidekick smartphone platform.
Then, Microsoft forced out most of Danger's best developers.
And put the remainder to work on something called "Project Pink".
Which turned out to be a disaster.
(Dan Dilger will tell you more. Read it all. It's funny.)

And the punchline: one day after the Project Pink atrocity became public, Microsoft announced that all the data stored for current Sidekick users had been lost. And of course, the users blamed T-Mobile, even though it was ultimately the fault of Microsoft and the low-bid contractor they hired, Hitachi Data Systems. (Why don't you shitheads try wedging Steve Ballmer's ample thighs up your asses instead? At least you won't be worrying about losing your data.)

This looks like an amusing book. (Probably contains a lot of bullshit, though.)

Metafilter Is Shit: Obscure BBC-TV producer Barry Letts recently died. And the MeFuckers practically shit themselves with pathetic sadness. Because Letts worked on Doctor Who in its early days.....

I'm starting to think that Top Gear star Jeremy Clarkson is an enormous twat. For example: he cheerfully admits that he can recite any Monty Python sketch.....from memory. In fact, he's such a huge twat, the Bristol Automobile company refuses to loan him a car for review. And he jokes about it.

At last, someone found a valid use for Twitter: computer security researcher Mikko Hypponen posts scary computer security holes on his Twitter page. At least, he did.....until Twitter's idiot management killed it.

Oh, wonderful. Now there's a comic book about psychotic Congressfreak Michele Bachmann.

Oddly enough, People Of Wal-Mart started out poorly. But apparently they've been getting hundreds of photos of freaks at random Wal-Marts. Now it's a downright disturbing database.

Insane Artist Corner: whenever fans of Japanese manga talk about who is the craziest, most twisted horror manga author, one name keeps coming up: Shintaro Kago. A guy who cheerfully admits that his work is "shit". If you need proof, someone has scanned some of Kago's most notorious titles and posted them here, along with several other incredibly disturbing mangas.

And speaking of insane Japanese shit, the director of Tokyo Gore Police, Yoshihiro Nishimura, has a new one. Here's the trailer. And have a nice day. :P

Gee Dad, it's not Christmas yet!

I can't deal with it anymore.....too much insane shit on the series-of-toobs.

Ever heard of Richard Berman? You really should know who that little bastard is. Because his efforts are helping to ruin this country's political system.

I know what Berman needs! He needs Happeh Theory!

Just what Berman (and the internet) does not need: Bacon Today!

Some twit at the Christian Science Monitor is complaining about Washington being destroyed.......in a Call Of Duty game. (Read the comments below it.)

Okay, okay, shaddup already!

This shit planet isn't just shitty for people. Dogs get to taste the shit, too.

I'm with this guy. Fuuuuck Google.

Obama just won the Nobel Peace Prize. Meanwhile, more and more calls for his impeachment --- or a coup -- spew from the right.

Thinking of getting a Prius? Move fast, because a patent troll is trying to get them banned from the United States.

Why does Shining Golden-Shower Amerika need healthcare reform? Partly because of a 1987 Supreme Court decision....."A Los Angeles judge threw out the wrongful-death complaint, saying it was barred by a 1987 U.S. Supreme Court ruling that shields employer-paid healthcare plans from damages over their coverage decisions."

Think how lucky you are, not to be stuck in Oklahoma. (If you ARE stuck in Oklahoma, you suck. I'm talking to you, Mr. Never-Calls-Or-Writes Duncan.)


Blog Hell: thanks to Boing Boing, bloggers won't fucking shut up about sleazy Chicago lawyer and Oak Brook homeowner's association boss Connie Xinos. (There's a rumor going around that 4channers saw this story, and have dedicated themselves to ruining the old bastard's life. Good luck, twits.)

Plus, the gun-toting soccer mom. Blechh. Yer 15 minutes are up.


Insane Artist Corner: Jon McNaughton's painting (note the roll-over comments) wasn't bizarre enough. So some unnamed Photoshop demon made it even more awesome.

Limbaugh isn't funny anymore. Old and cranky, I 'spose.

And if you think I'm alone in my cynicism, have some regard for this crazy old man in a wheelchair.

THAT'S IT I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE GNAAAG GAAAAAA GAAAGGG GAAAAGGGbjvfpiuhoqenfvoipqwubv

Turds Of Glory Are Coming At Your Head.

The power-brokers and bloggers of California are having shit-fits over this article. Can't imagine why. The liberals blame the conservatives, the conservatives blame the liberals. Both guilty.

Yes, bubby, there's a foundation dedicated to curing male breast cancer.

America: land of the free, home of the......prison for children. A glorious legacy of the Bush administration. It's the star of a notorious ACLU lawsuit and a new documentary film.

I'd tell you to watch Battle Pope, but it leaves something to be desired in the subversive-animation department. And Spike's website is an ad-saturated vile shithole.

Blog Hell: can't decide which is more amusing.
Marc Randazza's legal blog is snappy and fun to read.
But auto-fellatio.org has a guy stuffing his balls up his ass.
Lawyers, balls up the ass, what's the difference?

Ever wondered what happened to Simmons, once among the world's largest mattress manufacturers? Well, they got bought......by so-called "private equity" firms. Who bankrupted them. ("Private equity" is a nice, neutral, modern euphemism. In the 1980s, these dirty tricks were called "hostile takeovers".)

Every idiot with a keyboard is weighing in on Conservapedia's attempt to rewrite the Bible----to remove all the "liberal bias". If people really loved Jesus, they'd go and kill Andrew Schlafly. But they don't. So, they must hate Jesus.

Remember my comment about crazy preacher Gordon Klingenschmitt? He's still up to no good, albeit not in the military anymore.

"Let me just set the record straight. Muse – I hate them. It's an awful album and you should never go out and buy it."
You suck even more than they do, Mister Beck.

The English now have an energy drink...called Pussy. Probably because they don't get enough of the real thing. (yes, things are still worse in the UK.)

Feel free to go out and have a nice hamburger. But first, read this. (And if you have the bright idea of going for bison meat instead, try this.)

So that's where Bowser hides.

California assemblyman Dan Logue is screaming about how government regulation is "waterboarding business" in the state. In case you were wondering, Dan is a Republican realtor from Marysville, with a typical right-wing Republican assemblyman's voting record (that is, he votes against almost everything).


If you like those items about what a shithole
Arizona is, this week provided a treasure trove:

For example, the Alcor Foundation, the crazy Scottsdale outfit that freezes dead bodies. A former employee wrote an exposé that has all hell breaking loose. (As usual, the shitass pro-business Phoenix newspaper takes Alcor's side of the story, automatically.)

Plus the city of Phoenix's (former) well-paid official spokesman....and his tendency to harass his subordinates.

Lest we forget Anthony Arambula, and what the Phoenix cops did to him.....they shot him in the back, and were recorded trying to cover up what happened. "And it goes on and on, with the cops dragging Tony Arambula outside the house by his shot leg onto gravel in the backyard, where he was put on display for his wife and children.  He was placed on the "hot hood" of the squad car and driven down the street writhing in pain. 
Later, they tried to get the gun dealer who sold Tony the weapon to go along with their pretense that the gun may have been illegal, but the dealer refused to play ball.  Then detectives tried to pin drug warrants on Tony from other states that he's never been to, but the details didn't match. " And it was all within department policy......

The Blue Thong Society. They want to "fight frump". Unfortunately, these photos of Blue Thong members seem to show a whole lot of frumpy middle-aged (though wealthy) hag-women. I fear that the Frump War is lost.

Blog Hell: if a license were required to be allowed to blog, all the interesting bloggers would disappear. Whilst insipid, shallow morons like Mary Rambin would become popular. Plus, if you think Alabama is a horrible, corrupt place, reading the Alabama Court Watch might tend to support your feeling.

Did you know that a Muslim can now get the death penalty for selling fake hymens to Muslim women? (In Egypt, at least.)

If you use the services of a prostitute in the UK, you can post a review of the whore on PunterNet. The British government wants to shut it down. Unfortunately, it's running on a server in California. Sorry, lady. (Great Britain has an "equalities minister"? Do they also have a butthole minister?)

No surprise, the 15 most corrupt members of Congress. Republican, Democrat, what's the difference?

Here's Jerry Kubena's memorial website. And here's the ER doctor, allowing Jerry to die in order to steal Jerry's Rolex.

Nice statue!

Ass. Steak! Yummy-yum-yum!

You've heard all about the G-20 conference, and how the Pittsburgh cops went berserk. Well, they went so berserk, they were running around and threatening local artists. (Why does this surprise people? The Pittsburgh PD have always been a bunch of bastards. Here's another example. The solution is easy: don't go to Pittsburgh!)

At least Batman got something out of the G-20 protests.

Remember the last G-20 meeting in London? "MPs, senior legal experts and the group’s lawyers this weekend said the prosecution should be withdrawn. Many believe it is likely to backfire and heap further embarrassment on the Metropolitan police, already facing criticism over its heavy-handedness during the protests, which left one man dead and prompted a review of anti-riot tactics."

If you want real crazy, you need English people.

This woman is a flake. Don't believe me, watch this video.
("Cute" never excuses "abrasively insane".)

People love Honeybaked Ham. Sad thing is, I tell them about Honeybaked's long history of employee abuse and bad customer service, and they ignore me. A new example? This.

Insane Artist Corner: Leonid Tishkov. His work sinks for itself. (Oops, he has a blog too.)

"According to the Austin American-Statesman, the chief is considering pursuing commenters on blogs who have either impersonated him or his officers or maligned them beyond the boundaries of legal tolerance.....Options under discussion appear to be not only libel suits, but also criminal charges if the police believe these are warranted."

Great Idea! Mattel just introduced a homeless little girl doll! And she only costs $95!

And if that's not awesome enough, how about the Michele Bachmann action figure! Only from Hero Builders, specialists in insane, ugly political dolls!

Blog Hell: There is very little I can say about the Beautiful Cervix Project. Except that cervixes are anything but beautiful--especially when they are dribbling blood.

I hope Craftastrophe survives. It's got spunk.

Nutsack nutsack nutsack!!

There is no shortage of conservative, stupid, homely Christian women in this country who need tents to wear. And there is no shortage of companies willing to make tents for them. Preferably with hideous flower prints.

(The sports cards are still here. Email me if you want them.)

Anyone want 10,000 sports cards?

I'm serious--the next-door neighbors are stuck with them. Leave a comment if interested. (No, they can't be shipped, too heavy, you have to pick them up yourself.)

Did you know that since Obama became president, the term "Wal-Mart ammo hoarding" has become an actual catch-phrase and meme? In fact, it's been so bad this year, actual firearms hobbyists (including their friends in the white-supremacy world) are becoming extremely disgusted. Even though the "shortage" appears to be over. Tsk. Poor little white trashies.

Here's another game that you might like: Dead Rising 2. In which you can drive a wheelchair studded with machine guns. (Never runs out of ammo, either.)

Free advice: if you see a poll run by a polling company named Strategic Vision, that claims heavy support for Republicans or a Republican cause........don't believe it. Because that's not what other polls show.

Insane Artist Corner: it seems quite probable that Adrian Riemann is slightly obsessed with Masters Of The Universe. Or maybe fashion?

"NBC News president Steve Capus fired back at Americans for Limited Government Friday, after the conservative group published an email allegedly from NBC producer Jane Stone to its director of media outreach Alex Rosenwald, with one line: “Bite me Jew Boy.”" The right must be getting really desperate. Heh heh.

Ever heard of a TV sitcom called The Harry Situation? It was "produced" in 2007. And according to a blog written by its creator "Todd Gruyere", it became a "trainwreck". Which included the collapse of his marriage, and a lawsuit resulting from one of the show's actresses being brained by a studio light. An actress the creator was allegedly having an affair with, thus explaining the collapse of his marriage. Or maybe it was just a viral advertising campaign........that failed. (Only a few bloggers fell for it. Better luck next time, dickheads.)

Did your college dorm ever tell you not to "play sports in the hallways"?
One possible reason is visible here.

"In a memo to the council this month, Assistant City Attorney Randolph Hall urged that the deal be approved "as a compromise of this matter and to avoid a potentially adverse jury verdict.""

If you think my blog is cynical and depressing, read what this Russian blogger had to say.

So, how's your stock in E.W. Scripps doing?.....