Wednesday, October 15, 2014


There, you see, I have an OPINION. I'm not saying "blah".

Ever been through Beaver County, Utah? I have. One of the ugliest, deadest, and driest desert hellholes on earth. And in the middle of this hellhole you'll find the grim, hateful, conservative Mormon town of Milford. Whose downtown is full of disintegrating, boarded-up buildings. And just south of Milford is one of the world's largest industrial hog "farms", a place called Circle Four Farms. Never heard of it? Well, now you have! Enjoy your bacon, shithead!

It's nice to know that some places never change. Louisiana, for instance. Until it washes away, that is. Could be worse, you could be in Texas. Ha.

Saudi Arabia is the home of Mecca, one of Islam's holiest places. And if you think the Saudi government wants to "preserve" or "protect" Islamic historical sites, you would be wrong.

That happy place, Las Vegas, isn't supposed to dump mental patients in other cities. But they did, for many many years.

You fuckfaces, I'm not "boring" you, am I?

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Now I want a ham sandwich

After reading this.

New Dust Bowl? Everyone takes their part of the blame.

This is the current Attorney General of New Jersey. Yes, he was installed by Chris Christie. If you ever run into the bastard, ask him why the state is harassing a group of MIT students -- for writing a piece of software.

And we move one little step closer to what I expected: eventually it will be illegal to write computer code without a government-issued license. They license contractors and beauticians, after all, and evil code can destroy things of value. So the "reasoning" will go.

This made me laugh: "Our 100 Greatest IDM Tracks". The vast majority of these pieces are more than 10 years old, and fit into two general categories: either bland ambient music, or blatant ripoffs of Autechre or Aphex Twin. I only found six of those 100 tracks "interesting": 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and of course the classic "Fuck A Stranger In The Ass".

Ya wanna see how stupid people in Alabama really are? They fall for hoaxes like this one. Classic.

Yes, those stupid hipster turds in Brooklyn are being manipulated by real-estate developers. Boo hoo hoo.

"It's that whisper
     the susurration
        maybe just the high wind in the trees
             inviting you somewhere dangerous"
Fuck that shit. Elfquest sucks.

Insane Artist Corner: No Catalan cartoonist rules the universe like

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Folsom Street Fair was today

But that's what SF looks like every day. Why do they bother with a "fair"?

Another good reason to get out of software as a "career": the rise of the "brogrammer". Meaning, it's now suffering from institutional misogyny. Read this.

Yes, kiddies, one of the last major American-owned brewers, Pabst, was just bought by a Russian conglomerate. Suck on that, you hipster shit-eaters.

Didja like those Philadelphia-sucks items I posted before? Got another one, and it's deserving of an Insane Artist Corner tag: a photo series of people and places in the Kensington Avenue area of North Philly. Someday, all of America will look like that.

Meanwhile, in Montecito....."The polo field is brown. We are still able to play but it doesn't play as good." Oh, you poor little man.

And if it does rain, Californians suddenly can't drive. Including the cops.

"In Mr. Drier’s case, the primary surgeon, Dr. Nathaniel L. Tindel, had said he would accept a negotiated fee determined through Mr. Drier’s insurance company, which ended up being about $6,200. (Mr. Drier had to pay $3,000 of that to meet his deductible.) But the assistant, Dr. Harrison T. Mu, was out of network and sent the $117,000 bill. Insurance experts say surgeons and assistants sometimes share proceeds from operations, but Dr. Tindel’s office says he and Dr. Mu do not. Dr. Mu’s office did not respond to requests for comment."

Could be worse, he could have Dr. Eben Alexander on his case.

So just why do you nitwits watch this blog, anyway? Are you hoping for a glimpse of the next new Metasonix product? How about photos of mangled babies instead? Or your mother's anus? Personally I vote for the anus.

Or just go to Ratcave and read more about Shit-Jesus followers and asshole atheist bloggers. Yeah baby.

Thursday, September 18, 2014


You gotta love those funny and friendly stories about The Friendly City of Brotherly Love! Lovey love suck suck! So here's another one!

Ever heard of a band called "Diarrhea Planet"? Very well, have a dose of them. (Frat nerds?)

Insane Artist Corner: Dan LuVisi does excellent things to "beloved" cartoon characters. Attaboy.

Gmod videos just keep getting crazier and crazier. Why don't all games look like this?

British government bureaucrats don't often reach the heights of stupidity recently demonstrated by John Ashton. Although some of the crap spewed during the Scottish independence campaign is close.

Apparently long-form investigative journalism isn't quite dead yet. Consider this and this. Plus this nasty little item about degenerate gambling as a disease. I believe it.

(On the other hand, in Texas this seems to count as "journalism".)

Poor, poor little CIA employees. They don't like the cafeteria. Boo hoo.

Yeah, you're gonna move to Alaska, and escape the rat race. Suuuure.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Weezer sucks! Weezer sucks!!!!

Need proof? Consider what Wikipedia, The Encyclopedia For Basement Dorks, says about Rivers Cuomo: "Some of Cuomo's fashion trademarks include his black glasses and his lightning bolt guitar strap. He has sported a bowl cut, most notably in the music video for "Undone - The Sweater Song". Other notable fashion trends include sporting a life preserver-styled vest,[45] growing a thick beard in mid-2002[46] and a brief suit-and-tie phase in summer 2002.[47] Cuomo has also been seen with a short moustache in the video for "Pork and Beans" and on the Red Album cover. Cuomo has said that he grew the moustache in honor of his daughter and that his father wore one just like his when Cuomo was born. During Weezer's hiatus between the albums Pinkerton and Weezer (Green Album), Cuomo had braces on his teeth. They were evidently removed before the release of the Green Album.[48]" Blaaaggghhhh!!!!

Why you should hate the English: does this work for you?

Philly, because it's awesome!

Why can't all Twitters look like this?

If you've got some kind of silly idea that Las Vegas is a happy place where the streets are paved with gold, casinos make millions every day, and everyone's happy, read this, this and this. And now you can run right out and buy some valuable Nevada desert real estate. Sucker.

All she did was to monkey with her smartphone whilst hurtling down the I-29, and then kill someone. What's so terrible about that? And it ended up all over the world.

Rock'n'roll is still dead. More proof.

"Orange County Superior Court Judge Scott Steiner (right) was censured for such multiple trysts with women. Kern County Superior Court Judge Cory Woodward (left) magnified the sanctionable conduct by not just having multiple trysts with his court clerk from July of 2012 until May of last year but engaging in such conduct in both his chambers and in public places. Both were censured but allowed to continue on the bench. Both are former prosecutors."

And speaking of prosecutors, anyone remember the infamous 1988 "Central Park jogger rape case", in which five men were found guilty and sentenced to long prison terms? Well, those five guys are getting $41 million from the city of New York. And fuck you, Mr. Bloomberg.

Oh yeah, this is a guaranteed success on the battlefield of the future.....

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Three bottles of mouthwash for "Shoenice", please.

Who's "Shoenice"? He's one of the trolliest trolls on YouTube. The "antics" include being rendered homeless, guzzling vodka, slamming absinthe, slamming shampoo, eating or drinking anything he can get in his mouth (apparently), appearing on cable TV, begging for donations, then being kicked off social media. And returning, and starting it all over again. He's on Facebook (under various names), Twitter (under various names), Reddit (under various names), etc. etc. Or something.

Isn't Des Hague a great, awesome guy? Well?

This story will tell you a great deal about Texas. And not much of it will be favorable.

Hunter Thompson's Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas is a classic comedy story. And if you'd like to see a hipster asshole pathetically try to recreate Thompson's travails, read this long pile of shit. (Although it does make a good point: Vegas is a self-parodying joke "city", and will inevitably become a slum/ruin.)

"Smarter, fresher, different", completely shallow and moronic: Ozy.

"Forty-two and single, I was jumping without a net into the potential person I was meant to be. I’d watched Larry Smith’s famous TED Talk about following one’s passion, and enrolled in an advertising portfolio class." And how'd that work out for you, Mister Genius? Yep, just another piece of moronic social-media-clickbait garbage from Salon. It's their "business model" now.

Why do you think there is a smarmy, insane TV comedy called It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia? Because the real Philadelphia is a smarmy, corrupt, insane hellhole. Try this and this for examples.

Do not read this!! Don't look at the GIFs! You'll regret it!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I will not apologize for not posting for 2 weeks.

Instead, I'll just insult you.

Consider this: in spite of a severe drought in California, filthy-rich freaks like Oprah have found a way around water rationing: they truck in their own water.

This long NYT article about the debt-collection "business" shows how little has changed in the last 100 years. Stop paying off a loan, and a big guy from an invisible company with questionable morals will still come after you.

Need more proof that Metafilter is a basement-dweller website? Try this. And if that's not enough, consider their member "hippybear" and his taste/obsession for the worst of 80s dance music.

Not everybody loves Uber, ya know.

I told you that Clarkson is a twat. The BBC is finally starting to realize it.

Why did MTV stop running music videos? Because their teenaged moron viewers want reality-show crap instead, okay? "Not our fucking demo anymore!" The battle cry of the death of television!

Don't forget, it's the 100th anniversary of tear gas! Woo-hoo!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I'm a "walleyed lunatic fringe"!

According to an anonymous fuckhead on Slashdot, anyway. It's buried in the comments on this story. (Fairly certain it's David Gerard, the grand pooh-bah of Usenet trolling turned Wikipedia insider.)

Randy Queen, making threats, yawn. The comics world is crawling with emotionally stunted man-boys like him, and yes, they love to draw women as freakish sexpots with monster boobs and tiny waists. Tits tits tits. (But seriously, I hope the Escher Girls blog continues their good work. Someone has to shrink the exploding titties.)

And speaking of Tumblr blogs, Slug Solos and Bass Dogs amuse me endlessly. Because they mock musicians who deserve mockery.

Writer Helen DeWitt has herself a stalker. So she wrote a long, long essay about him. (She has my sympathy, for what little that's worth.) If that's not disturbing enough, read the monstrous Metafilter thread about this story. They just love to snipe at and troll each other. "Community" my dick.

Admittedly this is on, a notorious conspiracy-paranoia site. But it does point out some very funny facts about the "hippie revolution". Everything humanity does ends up resembling the Mafia.

Fuck Facebook again. Bye.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Insert blog in slot

Fuck you, Slate. When you started in 1996 you were a pretty good online news magazine. Now you look like BuzzFeed or ViralNova, just another clickbait "share this petty bullshit on Facebook with your friends" turd factory.

Real journalism is dying, and the Web is killing it. They don't even chase after advertisers anymore, it is all just a giant game of Candy Crush, using people instead of gemstones.

Even The Blaze, Glenn Beck's paranoid-news website, is starting to look like BuzzFeed. Every "headline" is couched in that vile "You Won't Believe What Happened Next" form. Fuck you all, and especially you, Mr. Beck, you Great Mormon Retard.

And speaking of Mormon retards, if you've never heard the term "Mormon mafia" before, now you have. And recent events in Boulder City are a good example. That shitty town has been controlled by the same small group of LDS families since the federal government started it in 1931. The Feds, and the "Six Companies" that built Hoover Dam, loved to hire Mormons because they were clean, obedient, well-mannered and did not drink or smoke. They also operate like the Mafia, but hey, who cares. As long as we make money.

Poor Chris Zabriskie. You're supposed to hire an entertainment lawyer and sue everyone. Can't afford the lawyer? Tough shit, don't make music. YouTube exists to break copyright. I'd suggest assassinating Larry and Sergey, but it's too late for that.

Do you like to read happy books? How about this one?

Blog Hell: Julia Allison, one of Get Off My Internet's favorite targets, has become so popular/unpopular that there is now a blog dedicated to attacking her full-time. Ha ha. (Does that mean she's now a "real celebrity"?)

Yeah, I know, Comcast sucky sucky. Blah blah.

The Ohio State University Marching Band is a "legendary institution". So legendary, they've got a secret songbook full of racist, homophobic and sexist insults. And now you know where DEVO got that "round on the ends, high in the middle" business. Of course the director was fired, not that it will change anything.

Want another O-HI-O story? How about Cincinnati's stupid attempt to block streets off to stop prostitution? Didn't work, did it?

Yeah, sales of vinyl records are skyrocketing. It's still a bullshit hipster fad.

Remington put out a new handgun, and of course their little friends at Shooting Illustrated gave it an undeserved good review. Ad dollars still talk, even in a webby world.

And Ratcave is still waiting for you, turd burglar.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

It was only 105 degrees today. Vomit.

Do not move to San Francisco. In fact, do not even spend money in San Francisco. Because.

iOS developer Jonathan Zdziarski discovered that iOS has several major security holes, things that governments and "black hats" could use to spy on iPhone and iPad users. (needless to say, Apple denied everything.) He posted it on his blog, which has been crashing ever since due to massive traffic.

"Buried within the American World Airline Awards, touchstone rankings for the airline industry doled out at the Farnborough International Airshow this week, is a trend America’s coach class travelers may find vindicating: among the ranks of global airlines, their nation’s airlines boast the world’s most uncomfortable seats."

 "Since many Americans don’t like picking out bones and are squeamish about eating something with its head still on, they need their seafood broken down and packaged before it hits the frozen section of the grocery store. But deboning and filleting fish is a lot harder to mechanize than, say, carving up a chicken or a hog. So the US has outsourced the vast majority of its processing capacity to places like China, where labor is relatively cheap."

"NLCHP says an overwhelming increase in urban homelessness after the recession and a widespread initiative to revitalize cities’ downtown areas incited the crackdown on the homeless."

And so much for !!'Murica!!! 

Need reminding that Glenn Beck is nuts? Okay!

Own a strip joint? Need liability insurance for it? You might want to avoid Jeff Cohen's company.

And should you need a gynecologist, you might wish to try someone other than Dr. Nikita Levy.

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What is the "point" of this? There is no "point". I suck, you suck, la la la.