## Thursday, March 6, 2014

### Sergey Brin has a tiny little penis. It looks like a clit. (I heard!)

Time for an American breakfast. Dammit.

Ever heard of Babymetal? Well, now you have. (Do NOT watch those videos. I repeat: Do NOT watch those videos.)

Everyone talks about what a "hero" Glenn Greenwald is, for having the guts to take on The Man and spill the NSA beans. Yet not everyone loves him. Funny that. Ha ha.

Can you ignore the "Call of Catthulu"? I thought not.

Metafilter is Shit: just another '80s icon dying, and leading to shrieks of whiny lameness. It got more eyeballs than Alec Baldwin, though.

For decades, wealthy people have been able to literally buy themselves Canadian citizenship. The price was \$1.6 million plus investment in native businesses. You can thank this program for the mobs of Chinese from Hong Kong who now live in Vancouver and parts east. Sadly, the new conservative government has put an end to the program, to discourage immigration. And who complains? The Chinese who were about to enter the program, of course. Isn't that friendly?

(Why are they in such a hurry to bail? Perhaps this will give you some idea.)

"As for Larry Davis, he will now spend the next few months getting his arrest record wiped clean. In addition to that, he will file a grievance against the Austin Police Department and the officer who arrested him. KVUE notes that as they started to investigate the manner, Travis County prosecutors dismissed the case completely." Could be worse, he could be a high-school student. God Bless America!!! Eat shit and die!!

Insane Artist Corner: I don't know who Curt Sibling is, but he rules.

And now for my blog's first, last and only goddamned fucking "trigger warning". I would like to beat the shit out of some Metafilter dorks. That is all. (buyahamsterthongdammit) (gotoratcavefuckers)

## Saturday, February 22, 2014

### Man: the only primate that willingly lives in its own filth.

Don't believe me? Try this Reddit post for a nice example. ('Murica!) Yes, the "man of the house" was cooking meth in the basement. ('Murica!!) This is how people often live, if given half a chance. ('MURICA!!!)

And no, it's certainly not exclusive to 'Muricans.

Thinking of advertising on Facebook? Don't. Because this guy found out the hard way, that Facebook "likes" are completely untrustworthy, and Facebook does not permit third-party audits of their ad traffic. I would not be surprised to learn that Facebook employees or contractors were generating these phony user accounts, deliberately. Until auditing is forced onto major Web advertising firms, massive abuses will occur. The magazine publishing business tried similar scams prior to WWII, until circulation auditing was implemented. And so, the Web is condemned to repeat history. Just one of many reasons I keep criticizing Facebook, and will continue to do so. ('Murica!)

You can't trust Buzzfeed either. Thus. Zuckerberg, Jonah Peretti, Henry Blodget, all the same: slime.

Why dontcha go to Nigeria for a vacation? It's not that bad.

Insane Artist Corner: you might like Josh Cooley's posters. They're cute.

The world continues to go to hell, and what do the elderly fucknuts in Sonoma get angry about? An ice cream parlor with a pink door.

Are the one-percenters laughing at the rest of us? You bet. And some of them are doing it in drag.

And how do you like your Capital One credit card? Nifty, ain't it?

Did you know that you can now take official tours of the Hanford Nuclear Reservation, the world's most dangerously polluted piece of land? You might want to ask Donna Busche about it. If you can find her.

Metafilter Is Shit: they recently ran a sad story. And managed to utterly trivialize it, in their distinctive fashion. Metafilter isn't about stories and links, it's about neurotic, narcissistic dorks trying to get "validation" for their neuroses. Of course, some of them had to track down the victim's real name and splatter it on the thread. And just to further underline MeFi's user issues, consider this: some of them are rabid Madonna fans.

In case you didn't notice, Scotland is on the verge of voting to leave the United Kingdom. And what does the British government do? They make petty threats.

I've got four words for you: Edward Snowden action figure. Yes, they also have a Julian Assange figure.

Support Ratcave, or I'll sic Facebook's lawyers on you.

## Thursday, February 13, 2014

### Will you be my valentine, you shit-eating Lego pervert?

"The New York Observer has learned over the course of interviews with more than two-dozen current and former Times staffers that the situation has “reached the boiling point” in the words of one current Times reporter. Only two people interviewed for this story agreed to be identified, given the fears of retaliation by someone they criticize as petty and vindictive." Ha ha. Fuck you, Thomas Friedman.

Tell me again what a "cool place" Japan is. Go ahead. (Even their music composers hire ghostwriters -- and pay them badly.) And yes, the English are not much different.

Even Utah and Texas have enacted so-called "911 samaritan laws", to try to prevent some drug-overdose deaths. But the Deep South, hells no. It's like 1969 all over again: "Jesus wants you filthy hippies to die!"

Insane Artist Corner: whoever was responsible for Goat Simulator deserves a nod. It is currently one of the world's "hottest" games, according to the massive coverage it's attracting, anyway. One would think it was Halo 4.

Sometimes, the decline of civil liberties leads to blogs like Nannying Tyrants. Make of it what you wish.

One the major reasons Phoenix sucks is the pathetic, incompetent way they "developed" their freeway system. This is the best write-up of it I've ever seen, by one of the very few bloggers who covers the actual, dark history of "America's Fastest-Growing City". Growth is good, growth is right, Jesus saves!

If you need to post stupid animated GIFs, consider Exploding Actresses as a source.
You're welcome.

## Thursday, February 6, 2014

### Have a seat!

A clever new idea for marketing Japanese "idol singers": since much of the current candidate pool is overweight, like Americans, the exploitative bastards at Avex had the bright idea to call them "marshmallow girls". In America, these girls would be seen as "normal", but in Japan, they're attacked for being "different".

By the way, Chubbiness has a website. (Don't click on that!)

If that's not the insane Japan you expect, go to the Thunderbird Cafe for lunch.

Think you've got problems? At least surgeons haven't injected glue into your brain.

You didn't know this: in places like Singapore and Malaysia, the hottest toys are in McDonald's Happy Meals: figurines of the minions from Despicable Me. These stupid pieces of plastic were so "desirable" last summer, people bought the meals and threw the food away. In countries where other people are starving.

There are dumb blogs, there are horribly-stupid blogs. And then there's "The Healthy Honeys".  (Do not click on that!)

Insane Artist Corner: go ahead, explain the concept of Prismgirls to the rest of us. Please.

Why is the cost of health insurance rocketing up, after "Obamacare" was implemented? You can thank Anthem for part of it. (And their owners, WellPoint, have one of the most hostile and negative Wikipedia articles I've ever seen for a corporation.)

Last week California media would not stop screaming about the worst drought in the state's history. This week, it's raining like hell. Thanks, Bill!

Go to Ratcave, you dildos. Read it. Believe it. Internalize it. Crap it out your asses.

## Thursday, January 30, 2014

### Why don't you pray to Jesus for snow tires, you pieces of cornbread shit?

The storm that hit the happy-love Dixie this week was comical. Not the storm, the panicked idiocy that millions of pussy-whipped Southerners displayed when there was ice on their precious freeways.

Politicians under fire as icebound U.S. South gets relief

Note: "When she got back in the car, the battery died before she could roll the window back up.
"It was pretty rough on her. She started crying for a second, and I told her to get a hold of herself," Andrews said. "She never lost (cell) phone service, and she was able to talk with me and a lot of her other friends. "She had her Bible. So she wasn't mad. She was just cold.""

Instead of dealing with it, they hid in their cars or workplaces or schools, and whined. Via cellphone. Thank Jesus for cellphones.

Note: "Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal on Wednesday had blamed the National Weather Service", who gave him 36 hours worth of warning, and he did fuck-all.

Note: ""Government's primary role is to protect the people; Nathan Deal has failed miserably once again," said candidate David Pennington, who serves as mayor of Dalton, Georgia." Who was probably just as guilty as Deal -- of refusing to implement disaster planning.

For decades, the "good Christian" citizens of suburban Georgia have bluntly refused to pay for any regional planning for their transportation systems. They've also refused to expand the public transit systems, because the white Georgians hate the black Georgians, and don't want "those people" in "their neighborhoods". They simply took Federal monies, built freeways, and allowed the city to sprawl outward, randomly in all directions. Because Jesus told them to?

Ask Jesus to salt the highways for you.
Tell us again that global warming is a "myth".
Fuck y'all.

## Sunday, January 26, 2014

### Did you enjoy walking around and around that shitty convention center?

One of the most important parts of Uzbekistan's economy is now, apparently, catering to sex tourists from India.

And that reminds me of how they drive road rallies in India.

Buzzfeed is quality entertainment!

I'm sorry to tell you, the Ku Klux Klan is simply not what it used to be.

What is it like to live in that supremely snobby, dull and stupid Bay Area rich-assholes ghetto, Menlo Park/Atherton? Things like this are a routine occurrence.

Yes, drought. And it could be worse.

This Swedish gamer dork is the top YouTube individual user. He has more than 21 million followers. Everything he posts, no matter how shitty, attracts millions of views within a few hours.

Plus, the evil monsters responsible for the Cyanide & Happiness comic are now making animations and putting them on YT.
I like this one.

Looking for that perfect gift for the angry libertarian gun nut manchild in your life?
How about some Liberal Tears Gun Oil?

## Wednesday, January 22, 2014

### That's it, once again blogging is rendered pointless.

By one horrific item.

Some years ago on SP, I noted that certain fighter-pilot games allowed the user to choose his own custom nose art. And that some nerdy gamers were putting garish pictures of cute anime girls on the planes. It's similar to the sex-fetish "itasha" fad in Japan. On military aircraft, it looks completely, profoundly absurd, and stupid. "Creepy" doesn't begin to cover this. I said that if anyone did that in real life, I'd have to "tear my eyes out".

Well, some insane fools in the Japanese Self-Defence Force apparently want to blind me. Because, in a deranged publicity stunt to attract "otaku" to join the JSDF, they painted cute anime girl mascots......onto an entire squadron of real helicopter gunships. Then had perky cosplay actresses, who looked like the characters, pretend to be the "pilots". Yeah, great "camouflage". Clever military thinking. The (little) media coverage of this is predictably disgusting, and Reddit shat itself with dork joy.

(Yes, you can already buy scale models of these choppers. Of course.)

I had a bunch of other outrageous links, but why bother, after seeing that?

(And worse: I expect this will become commonplace on military machines in the future.)

## Friday, January 17, 2014

### Courtney Love is still a bitch!

Ah ha ha hah!

One of the standard-issue libertarian government-hater pussy-boys at Forbes asks: "Do You Live In A Death Spiral State?" The same fool is angry that Ford is switching to aluminum for its pickup trucks.

Could be worse. You could be in an Alabama prison.

DO NOT WATCH THIS!

Sumpin' tells me that Sears might be in a spot of trouble.

"I was told by a British delegate that the British secret services wanted to weaken the security so they could eavesdrop more easily."

Insane Artist Corner: Jessica Stoller. Why can't all insipid ceramic figurines look like that?

Thank you, President Karzai. (And how's the heroin business this year?)

And remember: don't text in a movie theater.

## Thursday, January 9, 2014

### eat the smurf

Remember the guy on Reddit, with two penises?
He ended up in The Atlantic and in various other places.
Isn't the news media wonderful??

Have I got a coffee mug for you.

Our little friends at Vice have made a wonderful new documentary.
It's called Buttloads Of Pain, okay?

Insane Artist Corner: My Little Cthulhu!

Sick and tired of skinny, sexy, expensive smartphones that are locked to a single carrier? Have I got a hipster solution for you: The Brick! It looks and feels like a massive, heavy 1980s cellphone, and it's sold unlocked. Just shove a SIM card in it and be a cool dude. Even has a built-in flashlight and MP3 player.

Buy lots of these and slap them on walls in airports! Fun for the whole family!

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## Friday, January 3, 2014

### is it 2013 yet?

Hottest Reddit thread I've ever seen: a guy with two penises. (Are you surprised to know that some idiot promptly added it to the Wikipedia article about diphallia? Is Reddit a "reliable source"? Ah ha ha ha.)

"Police were in such a hurry to cremate her before daybreak that they landed up at the house of the bereaved family - with the body - at 2.30am and threatened to break down their door unless they were given the death certificate that would allow cremation. When the girl's father refused, police officers allegedly told him to go back to Bihar's Samastipur. A police team tormented the family all night."

No, it doesn't. And stupidity continues unabated.

Insane Artist Corner: I'd like to thank for being a Deviant Art stereotype: all his artwork consists of stupid anime clichés, and most of them have absurdly enormous tits. (Hope his dick falls off!) He's got a website, I'll let you find it.

And people wonder why I hate airports.

To no one's real surprise, Bunnie Huang has found that SD cards can be hacked, because they contain their own microcontrollers. (Back in 2010, he, and the OLPC people, discovered that there's a lot of inferior and counterfeit SD cards on the market, and that even major brands can't always be trusted.) Flash memory is an amazing technology, but pretty damn far from perfect, and slowly getting worse.

Smile! It's a nice day!