Sunday, August 31, 2014

Three bottles of mouthwash for "Shoenice", please.

Who's "Shoenice"? He's one of the trolliest trolls on YouTube. The "antics" include being rendered homeless, guzzling vodka, slamming absinthe, slamming shampoo, eating or drinking anything he can get in his mouth (apparently), appearing on cable TV, begging for donations, then being kicked off social media. And returning, and starting it all over again. He's on Facebook (under various names), Twitter (under various names), Reddit (under various names), etc. etc. Or something.



Isn't Des Hague a great, awesome guy? Well?


This story will tell you a great deal about Texas. And not much of it will be favorable.


Hunter Thompson's Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas is a classic comedy story. And if you'd like to see a hipster asshole pathetically try to recreate Thompson's travails, read this long pile of shit. (Although it does make a good point: Vegas is a self-parodying joke "city", and will inevitably become a slum/ruin.)


"Smarter, fresher, different", completely shallow and moronic: Ozy.


"Forty-two and single, I was jumping without a net into the potential person I was meant to be. I’d watched Larry Smith’s famous TED Talk about following one’s passion, and enrolled in an advertising portfolio class." And how'd that work out for you, Mister Genius? Yep, just another piece of moronic social-media-clickbait garbage from Salon. It's their "business model" now.


Why do you think there is a smarmy, insane TV comedy called It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia? Because the real Philadelphia is a smarmy, corrupt, insane hellhole. Try this and this for examples.


Do not read this!! Don't look at the GIFs! You'll regret it!


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I will not apologize for not posting for 2 weeks.

Instead, I'll just insult you.


Consider this: in spite of a severe drought in California, filthy-rich freaks like Oprah have found a way around water rationing: they truck in their own water.


This long NYT article about the debt-collection "business" shows how little has changed in the last 100 years. Stop paying off a loan, and a big guy from an invisible company with questionable morals will still come after you.


Need more proof that Metafilter is a basement-dweller website? Try this. And if that's not enough, consider their member "hippybear" and his taste/obsession for the worst of 80s dance music.


Not everybody loves Uber, ya know.


I told you that Clarkson is a twat. The BBC is finally starting to realize it.


Why did MTV stop running music videos? Because their teenaged moron viewers want reality-show crap instead, okay? "Not our fucking demo anymore!" The battle cry of the death of television!


Don't forget, it's the 100th anniversary of tear gas! Woo-hoo!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I'm a "walleyed lunatic fringe"!

According to an anonymous fuckhead on Slashdot, anyway. It's buried in the comments on this story. (Fairly certain it's David Gerard, the grand pooh-bah of Usenet trolling turned Wikipedia insider.)


Randy Queen, making threats, yawn. The comics world is crawling with emotionally stunted man-boys like him, and yes, they love to draw women as freakish sexpots with monster boobs and tiny waists. Tits tits tits. (But seriously, I hope the Escher Girls blog continues their good work. Someone has to shrink the exploding titties.)

And speaking of Tumblr blogs, Slug Solos and Bass Dogs amuse me endlessly. Because they mock musicians who deserve mockery.

Writer Helen DeWitt has herself a stalker. So she wrote a long, long essay about him. (She has my sympathy, for what little that's worth.) If that's not disturbing enough, read the monstrous Metafilter thread about this story. They just love to snipe at and troll each other. "Community" my dick.

Admittedly this is on whale.to, a notorious conspiracy-paranoia site. But it does point out some very funny facts about the "hippie revolution". Everything humanity does ends up resembling the Mafia.

Fuck Facebook again. Bye.


Monday, August 4, 2014

Insert blog in slot

Fuck you, Slate. When you started in 1996 you were a pretty good online news magazine. Now you look like BuzzFeed or ViralNova, just another clickbait "share this petty bullshit on Facebook with your friends" turd factory.

Real journalism is dying, and the Web is killing it. They don't even chase after advertisers anymore, it is all just a giant game of Candy Crush, using people instead of gemstones.

Even The Blaze, Glenn Beck's paranoid-news website, is starting to look like BuzzFeed. Every "headline" is couched in that vile "You Won't Believe What Happened Next" form. Fuck you all, and especially you, Mr. Beck, you Great Mormon Retard.

And speaking of Mormon retards, if you've never heard the term "Mormon mafia" before, now you have. And recent events in Boulder City are a good example. That shitty town has been controlled by the same small group of LDS families since the federal government started it in 1931. The Feds, and the "Six Companies" that built Hoover Dam, loved to hire Mormons because they were clean, obedient, well-mannered and did not drink or smoke. They also operate like the Mafia, but hey, who cares. As long as we make money.

Poor Chris Zabriskie. You're supposed to hire an entertainment lawyer and sue everyone. Can't afford the lawyer? Tough shit, don't make music. YouTube exists to break copyright. I'd suggest assassinating Larry and Sergey, but it's too late for that.

Do you like to read happy books? How about this one?

Blog Hell: Julia Allison, one of Get Off My Internet's favorite targets, has become so popular/unpopular that there is now a blog dedicated to attacking her full-time. Ha ha. (Does that mean she's now a "real celebrity"?)

Yeah, I know, Comcast sucky sucky. Blah blah.

The Ohio State University Marching Band is a "legendary institution". So legendary, they've got a secret songbook full of racist, homophobic and sexist insults. And now you know where DEVO got that "round on the ends, high in the middle" business. Of course the director was fired, not that it will change anything.

Want another O-HI-O story? How about Cincinnati's stupid attempt to block streets off to stop prostitution? Didn't work, did it?

Yeah, sales of vinyl records are skyrocketing. It's still a bullshit hipster fad.

Remington put out a new handgun, and of course their little friends at Shooting Illustrated gave it an undeserved good review. Ad dollars still talk, even in a webby world.

And Ratcave is still waiting for you, turd burglar.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

It was only 105 degrees today. Vomit.


Do not move to San Francisco. In fact, do not even spend money in San Francisco. Because.

iOS developer Jonathan Zdziarski discovered that iOS has several major security holes, things that governments and "black hats" could use to spy on iPhone and iPad users. (needless to say, Apple denied everything.) He posted it on his blog, which has been crashing ever since due to massive traffic.

"Buried within the American World Airline Awards, touchstone rankings for the airline industry doled out at the Farnborough International Airshow this week, is a trend America’s coach class travelers may find vindicating: among the ranks of global airlines, their nation’s airlines boast the world’s most uncomfortable seats."

 "Since many Americans don’t like picking out bones and are squeamish about eating something with its head still on, they need their seafood broken down and packaged before it hits the frozen section of the grocery store. But deboning and filleting fish is a lot harder to mechanize than, say, carving up a chicken or a hog. So the US has outsourced the vast majority of its processing capacity to places like China, where labor is relatively cheap."

"NLCHP says an overwhelming increase in urban homelessness after the recession and a widespread initiative to revitalize cities’ downtown areas incited the crackdown on the homeless."

And so much for !!'Murica!!! 

Need reminding that Glenn Beck is nuts? Okay!

Own a strip joint? Need liability insurance for it? You might want to avoid Jeff Cohen's company.

And should you need a gynecologist, you might wish to try someone other than Dr. Nikita Levy.


Thursday, July 17, 2014

just another happy day dance around in the sun and DIEDIEDIE


Today, an airliner full of people was shot down over Ukraine, and Israel started a ground invasion of Gaza. But what does the San Jose Mercury-News care about most of all? The new football stadium.

Recently Harley-Davidson showed off an experimental electric motorcycle. And predictably, the fat over-40 whitebread assholes who constitute the Harley fanbase started bitching and whining. Bonus: This popular Harley blog didn't mention it at all.

Before you carry your precious musical instrument onto a commercial airliner, you might read this, and this, and this, and this. Evidently the TSA doesn't like metal, either. Have a nice flight, taxpaying sucker.

Like near misses? Have one.

Now, this is how you watch baseball: baked.

If you like to read books about nuclear weapons and reactors, have I got a place for you.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Hail America, full of ASS

Enjoying your holiday? At least your name isn't Darren Rainey.


At last, someone's done posterity a great favor. By documenting the origin of those pissing-Calvin stickers.


Something to really celebrate!
Dickey Scaife died on the Fourth of July!
Eat ass in hell, Dick!


Don't fool yourself, Mr. Doctorow. I suspect that NSA employees are laughing at you right now. And so am I.





And as predictably as shit follows coffee, Terry Pratchett announced that he wouldn't be able to make the next Discworld Convention, and his dork fans threw hysterics.


Meanwhile, this was the top thread on Metafilter today.


Hurricane? What hurricane?
Go to Ratcave and eat your hurricane ass.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Let's pull those manginas together!!


I wish I was making this up. Sorry.

Heard of "Pink Drift"? "PinkDrift is a subsidiary of YOLO Restaurant Group, LLC." 
Okay? Does that not "inspire"? Sadly, the city of Santa Rosa was not "inspired". 

Easily one of the most disgusting documentaries ever made: Born Rich, a smug little compendium of poor-little-me snivellings by the actual children of billionaires. Made by Johnson & Johnson heir Jamie Johnson. And being given away for free on YT, because after all, he's rich. As one of the comments says: "Everything out of their mouths reeks of megalomania. I cringed for most of the duration of the film." There's the one percent for you.

"Selling for around $16,000, Cobalts were popular with teenagers. The first death linked to its switch came in July 2005, when a Maryland 16-year-old, Amber Marie Rose, crashed her red ’05 into a tree. The airbag did not deploy. Although reports streamed into GM about moving stalls and disabled airbags for years, the company waited until Feb. 13, 2014, to issue a recall." Go ahead, buy that used Chevy Cobalt.

If you like free books, Andrew Holloway has posted his memoir of working in North Korea in the 1980s online, and asks nothing in return. And remember, this was when Kim Il-Sung still ran the country, and before his son ruined the economy and caused 1 million people to starve to death.

What is the "black hole of American comedy"? My bet would be on the only-occasionally-funny 1990s HBO series called Mr. Show. It has proven to be a "watermark" and a major factory for comedians. See for yourself. (The "Lie Detector" sketch is probably the best. Bob Odenkirk is God. Big fuckin' deal.)

Are American police becoming more brutal and militaristic? You could always ask the former Attorney General of Utah -- after he had his house trashed by a masked SWAT team. Which included threatening his 17-year-old daughter with assault rifles.

Insane Artist Corner: this blog is full of beautifully drawn "art".  Hope you like gay furry porn.

And finally, for you bronies: a series of My Little Pony torture games.

Feel the love and sweetness.


Thursday, June 19, 2014

Yes, Grumpy Cat is going to be in a TV movie. Gaaaag puke.

Proof. I pity that poor little animal.


Should you need some evidence of the extreme and hopeless dorkitude of Reddit users, consider this thread. A neurotic compendium of printing errors in an edition of one of the most nerd-loved books ever written, David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest.


And btw, this was one of the busiest threads on Reddit today. As with most Internet fora, they love to gawk at the misfortunes of others. And make douchey comments.


Job interviews reward narcissists? Bullshit. Every aspect of our corrupt culture rewards narcissists. And we all pay the price.


Even Steve Coogan thinks Jeremy Clarkson is a twat.
So why is Clarkson still one of the BBC's biggest stars?


Insane Artist Corner:
First, consider Chicks with Stevebuscemeyes.
Then, ponder this.
Hope he sues.


What else?

Oh yeah, don't forget to donate money to the Autoblow campaign.

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What is the "point" of this? There is no "point". I suck, you suck, la la la.